It is the summer of 2011. I have been battling the war for 11 years now. I’ve been off antidepressants fairly regularly for two years as I try to get to the root of this. I am on a really good vitamin supplement plan. But the darkness still rears its ugly head off and on. I wonder, really wonder, if I’m ever going to beat this. There are times that are really hopeful. Other times are far from hopeful as I battle the voices in my head.
Those voices keep telling me there is no other way; that this is just part of my mortal experience; that it could be so much worse–at least I get out of bed every day; that feeling so much sadness is just how it is…Some days I think I will go crazy if I have to fight this the rest of my life.
I did a lot of silent suffering. As I’ve mentioned before, I didn’t open up to very many people. It was a weakness. And this weakness kept help from coming more quickly. I can see that now. I subconsciously believed that I needed to just trudge through the daily challenge on my own. Somehow I believed that reaching out for help would make me less than who I wanted to be. This one belief was poison. Poison.
Depression and any other mental illness is laced with poison–poison that swirls around in the brain. Locating that poison with a counter attack is vital. The counter attack may sound too simple. It may sound like there is no way it will make a difference.
I learned this counter attack in August 2011. It came unexpectedly. I was attending a class on personal development and the teacher taught the why and the how. Something stirred inside me when I heard it. I decided to begin trying it out. After all, I certainly didn’t have anything to loose! What happened showed me that I had everything to gain because I decided to give it a try.
The counter attack is this: write down every negative message you hear in your head. This is the poison. Then counter it with its exact opposite. When the thought pops into your head again, say its opposite again. It may take a fair amount of time to reprogram your brain with the truth. That’s okay. Just keep at it!
I’ve written about this before. I write about it again today because of a recent experience where a person shared with me how critical it was to her healing that she launch this counter attack. Her therapist had recommended it to her. It took time and tremendous effort but it enabled her to move into complete healing. My personal experience with counter attacking also moved me into healing.
So, counter attack! Remove the poison. You’re worth it and it matters!
(original post April 2015)